Protest Warrior

The protest warriors went on our first mission since I was made the East Texas Chapter Leader By Default.

We protested International A.N.S.W.E.R.'s Houston chapter and various other local socialist groups' protest of GWB's inauguration.

The war protesters were a small, but lively group of about 100 people - very violent especially for being pacifists. The hypocrisy was not lost on us. I was pushed into oncoming traffic, shoved in the face by a lunatic who was trying to grab my sign, and screamed at through a bullhorn which was put about 1/2 an inch from my face. Luckily for me, I've had an ear infection, and it did more good than harm. I CAN HEAR NOW!!!

The sign that bothered them the most was one that said Hitler Was A Socialist. It's true. He was. They destroyed that one first chance they had. So much for Freedom of Expression.

What I personally consider the best moment came as I was being interviewed by a Houston Chronicle reporter. The pacifists had decided to scream obscenities at passersby from the Houston Chronicle building. No one was really sure what they were angry about, but they took up a rousing chant of "Houston Chronicle Shame On You." The journalist looked grim, especially when they pushed him into oncoming traffic just because he was standing beside me. He mentioned the incident in the paper and gave me a great quote. Stupid pacifists.

When they finally tired of harassing people walking by the Houston Chronicle building, they marched to City Hall where they engaged in what was either bestiality or some type of performance art. It was about as relevant either way. They tried a few more chants, but they were long-winded, and people gave up on them. It's kind of hard for a bunch of insane, frothing white people to find a rhythm to LONG LIVE CASTRO WHO HAS CREATED A SOCIALIST PARADISE! LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER IN CUBA AND I WILL GO THERE AS SOON AS THE CAPITALIST PIGS GIVE ME THE MONEY OR A BATHTUB IN WHICH TO MAKE THE CROSSING. They should have stuck with BUSH OUT, SADDAM IN.

We stayed outside the main gaggle, but they didn't want us on public property. They linked arms and tried to march us off the public property, but we held our ground. At least I did. I was right in front. That was when I was assaulted by one of the pacifists. He tried to take my sign down and he ended up hitting me in the head. When I wouldn't let him take my sign, he grabbed a bullhorn and started screaming at me through it. I didn't move. I didn't say a word. I just stood there looking victimized until they backed off. I knew they wouldn't be able to withstand a good dignified victimized appearance.

Then they tried to have the cops (who they'd been jeering at the whole time) remove us. They showed them their permit and everything. The cops said they had a permit to assemble, but they couldn't dictate who made an appearance.

The cops loved us. They really did. One of them was giving me background information on various protesters, and another tried not to, but couldn't stop laughing at my wisecracks. And there were so many. First of all, they smelled really bad. Perhaps it was the fact that they were wearing wool caps in humid weather and riding around on skateboards and bicycles. Perhaps they consider hygiene a form of conformity. I don't know. But the stench that arose was an assault in and of itself.

After they were through failing to get the cops to remove us, I asked one of the officers if he would be so kind as to arrest them because my nasal passages were being viciously assaulted by their odor. Realizing that I was in opposition, the cop cracked up, shook my hand, and started helping me make fun of him. I think he was a sergeant of some kind because the other cops warmed up to us after that.

After the performance art/bestiality and the lame chanting, some ancient hippy took the stage and started yodeling hippy dirges and Irish drinking songs. Very moving. The harder he played, the harder I laughed. Those folks really take themselves too seriously.

Happiness is contagious though. Some of the protesters came up to us and started arguing. Nothing that made any sense, of course, but I was so happy that they didn't have their act together that I was polite to them. This made for a much more productive situation.

The fatal flaw in their entire philosophy and hatred of GWB is that Saddam was a brutal killer. No one can say he wasn't. Several people I spoke to tried to say that there were so many dictators, why were we picking on Saddam.

"Do you consider yourself a humanitarian?" I asked.

"Yes," came the predictable reply.

"Then why do you care what the reasons for removing Saddam were?"

"Because everyone thinks we're bullies."

"Like who? Islamic theocracies and dictatorships and Europeans who can't even defend themselves?"

"B'dee...b'dee...b'dee...b'dee..."

"Let me ask you something."

"Sure."

"Of all the governments in the world, which one do you know the most about?"

"Probably this one" (meaning the U.S. of course).

"Do you trust it?"

"NO!!!!!!!!"

"So why are you giving the benefit of the doubt to countries whose governments you don't even know that much about? Ones that have proven themselves to be brutal or uncaring?"

"B'dee, b'dee, b'dee, b'dee...."

This conversation took place many times. You could tell people were getting worn out because in the middle of the last debate I had, the young man stopped in the middle of his argument to tell me that I had nice eyes and that he had to get my number. (?!!!)

Let it not be said that Houston Socialists don't know how to win an argument!

We hauled our damaged signs back to our cars and prepared to leave, when we saw several of the terrorist sympathizers in black masks and their intimidating bicycles, writing down our license plate numbers - no doubt trying to scare us. I made fun of them by miming their actions, then I told one of our members to get pictures of all of them. He did.

I said (loudly), "Good. If I see them anywhere near my house, I'm going to the FBI." Which I most certainly will.

It was a great day. Aside from a bump on my head, I'm none the worse for wear, and it was very encouraging to know that they had absolutely no compelling message.

My husband's perspective is here.

UPDATE: Welcome SMASH Readers!