New York, New York

I just got back from a trip to New York State which included almost 5 days in New York City. Now, I like NYC. I even seriously considered moving there at one point in my life. I realize that I am drawn to it in a completely nihilistic way, but it is a thoroughly ....... thorough place. Something is so apocalyptic about it - as if the world begins and ends there. There is no room to expand so everything moves upwards, higher and higher until every building seems a tower of Babel - a screaming affront to God. And yet somehow, there is glory - the glory of pride, the glory of despair, from the unfathomably wealthy penthouse to the most decrepit box home in the gutters of the subways.

And in-between, the DIVERSITY! Whole neighborhoods made up of people of the same backgrounds who speak no English and will never have a need to learn. On the outside you get the feeling that New Yorkers feel a great sense of pride in it, but after a few days I got the feeling that New York is made up of a lot of different ethnic groups all jovially detesting each other, but all mutually adoring rich gay men(?)(!)

I must say though, that New York City has improved greatly since I was there last which was about 15 years ago (pre-Giuliani). I have vague memories from my childhood of a cold, dark place; exciting because of the dangerous drivers and possible lurking criminals (not just regular criminals but actual lurking criminals), not to mention the shops and lights and Rockefeller Center around Christmas. People honked a lot and yelled obscenities with very little provocation and were rude to you unless you had a certain commanding quality. My dad had it, my mom didn't. I have it more than my husband, but not as much as my dad. I think I'll quit before I sound any more like an IQ test. Come to think of it though, the honking hasn't changed at all, but I think people yell less. And just as a funny aside, I think my mom fit in best in NY when she was screaming homosexual epithets and making rude Italian hand gestures at a group of militant gays who were demonstrating at St. Patrick's Cathedral (back when AIDS was thought to be the fault of Catholics). You know you've made it in New York when your obscenities and hand gestures garner more attention from a mob than a 7 foot drag queen in handcuffs wearing nothing but a towel - around her head. My family has a colorful past.

Another personal observation about NY is that it is attempting more European attitudes especially concerning sex and nudity. But where, oh say, Romans have been exposed to nekked public art since infancy, Americans, including New Yorkers, haven't. And I think when a whole segment of society attempts a blasé attitude about it as adults; a whole society of exhibitionists is born. A serious voyeur in NY could have their appetite sated (or whetted to the point of psychosis) within a week. I think also, that it is becoming increasingly hard to draw wanted attention to yourself. The weirdest thing a person could think of doing will be soundly ignored because it has all been done before - in public and set to music. And any sign of surprise will brand you a TOURIST as thoroughly as if you had it imbedded in flashing neon on your naked ass.

I realize that I haven't said anything that was good about the city and there were many things. Central Park was beautiful. My husband and I saw The Phantom of the Opera which was wonderful, if not exactly what I wanted to see. And there was a really nice little park outside of our temporary Chelsea apartment on the corner of 22nd St and 10th Ave that my daughters enjoyed tremendously - so much so that I will say that if you had to raise your kids in a city, New York wouldn't be a bad place.

As I am discovering, I am a person drawn to the extremes of dwelling, which is what makes suburbia so full of angst for me. As time goes by, however, and I become more and more absorbed with the cares and joys of my little family, I find myself attracted to a more southern ideal - LAND - somewhere you can stretch you legs and call your own - a home of ease, humor, comfort, good manners, and good taste. So it is with twinge of regret but a great sense of peace and something resembling closure that I can say that New York City will always be a great city - even my favorite city, but it will never be my home.